Trapped

Well, I went to Cincinnati. It was good to get away, although it wasn't long enough. It was just good to get away, change of scenery. I probably don't need to be writing tonight because I am in a foul mood. My back has been out for a week, and not getting any better. The medicine I have to take for it makes me irritable and hurting makes me irritable- so between the 2 I am not in a nice frame of mind. So the trip to Ohio- I finally got to meet the good Dr. from Cinc. He is a good guy, I like him. Very thorough. Where to start? Not even sure anymore. He did say he thinks I should get sleep test to see if my sats (oxygen saturations) drop at night as I have been having clouded thinking for some time now and I think it is getting worse and get very fatigued at times. He wants me to continue to see the Dr in St. Louis and see him in Ohio as needed. He says he believes I have LAM, although that is not the main issue. He said the Dr. in Ny and Mayo did not agree in their reports with what I have. He said he has not seen this before, so he was going to get with them both again and see if they can't all figure out what is going on here. Said again we will probably never know what is really going on/causing my issues. He did tell me I needed to move out of my house. It has flooded 3 times, each time a cleaning/restoration company came and lifted up the carpet dried it out and then re-laid the carpet down. I had seen mold down there, sprayed it with a bleach mixture. It went away so I didn't think much of it- but I do sneeze almost every time I go down there.. hmmmm... He said he's only had 3 patients in his career that he has told to move and I guess I am one of them. Easier said than done. This is the 2nd reason to move. The first lives across the street. I can not go into details yet, but need prayer there too. He wants me to not eat after 7 pm as sometimes when you sleep if you aspirate any acid that comes up it can cause some of the issues I have. I do not normally have heartburn so who knows. I'm trying to think of some of the other things he said. I have slept since then. He did think I could get off the Xarelto after a while and not be on it forever (as the Dr in St. Louis said). Seems a lot of things they will prescribe/do for me will be based on best judgment and not any tested path since we still do not really know what is causing my lung issues. He did say the clots are being created in the lungs, not transferring in from somewhere else. With the Xarelto being so new, there is so much they do not even know about that. So basically I feel trapped in this body with funky lung stuff. I want it out of there. And nothing I can do about it. I could go on and vent about other things, but think I will spare you all and just take it to the Lord. I am feeling trapped in many, many ways and not sure what to do about it. Usually I can figure out what to do or at least deal with it well. Now I haven't a clue and I am not dealing with it well. Even that makes me irritated. I think I need a vacation. Another night of writing- I forgot to mention he still thinks I have Sjogren's also. So both LAM and Sjogren's. He thinks some of the cysts in my lungs are actually Sjogren's cysts. Even though all of the results have come back negative/inconclusive- he said it is a sneaky disease and if I remember correctly he said can manifest in different ways. Told me again we probably will never really know what I have/what is causing it. I did see on a commercial yesterday that Xarelto has been causing some serious consequences including irreversible abdominal bleeding/death and stroke. Seriously?? I think I'd rather get off it. Thankful I do not have to take it for very long. So I feel trapped on all sides. Literally, trapped with the situation across the street, trapped with a family situation, trapped with a lung situation, trapped with a financial situation now, trapped in a job due to my own doing. The Dr thinks I need to examine myself for depression. He asked me if I was under a lot of stress :). Ya, I'd say I am. Regardless, I know where my strength comes from. I will count my blessings. They are many. God is good and doing so many amazing things around the world. Who am I to complain? He is so much bigger than my measly problems. I will take my petition before the Lord. He will answer, deliver and defend me. He is the righteous judge. Nothing escapes his eyes that roam to and fro all over the earth. Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better when I remember all He has done for me. Hope you are too. Much love-