Lymphangioleiomyomatosis - A new lease on life maybe?

As you know I am now on oxygen at night and when I lay down. I felt better the first few days on it, but then the lovely monthly cycle hit and I have been of course short of breath, extremely fatigued and just in general do not feel well. My daughter noticed how short of breath I was. Hoping for a better week. I do feel I wake up better since the onset of oxygen. I only am groggy for a little bit and then I seem to perk up better. Not sure it lasts as long as I'd like but it's a start. I also feel I have more brain power, if that makes sense. I think I am beginning to think a tad bit more clearly. Told the kids don't think I can get any of the lost brain cells back from being so short of oxygen for who knows how many years but as I said before- it's a start. I am hoping I will get more focused. I did notice that I had been stepping out of living life the last couple/few years and couldn't explain it. I just felt it was because of all the stress with the child molester issue and adoption and change of location and diagnosis etc. but looking back I think it started before then. I just felt less and less involved in life, in daily activities and everything basically. I was checking out of life, or something was checking me out of it. Hard to explain. I wonder if it was just the lack of oxygen. Boy, soooooo many times I remember telling my husband, "I just feel like my brain is not getting enough oxygen." And wow- I was right. I know my body best. Scary :) Hoping to check back into life. To start caring again, or better yet to have the energy to start caring again. To be motivated in everything I do. So again bittersweet emotions here, grieving my old life of being able to fall on the couch and take a nap with out being hooked to an oxygen concentrator-- I did that today and paid the price with horrendous headache and no energy, but being excited about a new start and a new energy for life. Thank you Lord for knowing what I need when I need it. Hope you have a blessed week and the energy to go out and make a difference in someone's life. I saw something on TV I think it was tonight or fb not sure, but I can not give credit to the person who said it because it blinked off before I had time to read the name fully-- but it said basically -- Do not mistake my kindness for weakness. I really like that.. I think a lot of people do not realize that about me.

In chains -

Have you ever been in the middle of something and can't seem to see to the outside of it what is really going on? I think that is where I am at. Sometimes I wish I could see, I don't know I guess the big picture of my life. I think I am losing/lost that in the middle of living? Does that make sense? I might have brushed on this topic before, maybe I am back here again then, because this is where I am at. And not even an, "It's a wonderful life thing."- just how everything fits together. Maybe I am getting antsy and just want to see how the Lord has moved and how our lives our so intertwined together. I was thinking the other day I wondered who prayed for me when I was younger, in my 20's and early 30's before I got saved. Someone's prayers had kept me safe, delivered me from evil mainly times. I'd like to thank them. Meet them if I don't/didn't already know them. And then deeper thoughts like what if no one prays for a certain someone. Has every person had at least one person pray for them in their lifetime? (this is how my brain works) Some of those questions are answered in the bible- which is why we must go out and spread the gospel, but I think these questions just the same. On another note= I was working the other day and someone said "Home health care." Those words, those simple words really took me back. Strange how something so easy and simple and helpful to people could make me cringe- indeed if any of you knew it- I was fighting back a couple tears. It just caught me by surprise and truth be known I think I suddenly resented being where I am at. Which usually I am not- but I did dip down into pity party for a minute- I guess that's what it was. Just a realization that things aren't going to be where they were before. That now I am hooked to something, chained in a way to oxygen, although being chained to it is actually helping me. Kind of like Jesus- the parallel- always the parallel.. Teach your kids when they are young to learn parallels and patterns because they will need that learning to see the parallels and patterns that the Lord has graciously shown us in this life. Getting back to the parallel. Being chained-- to Jesus as if that may feel some days like a bad, or hard thing or too much of a burden to bear- too much of a sacrifice. And yet- you/me/we need him, need to be chained to him to even exist-- to breathe. I should write a book on parallels and patterns. I kid you not, I see them all the time, I am sure you do too. If you are looking and thinking of him and his ways and the blessings and messages he sends. It's quite fun actually, like putting together a puzzle. Love it! Hope this small note encouraged you- I know I got encouraged myself just talking about Jesus and his patterns he sends to us! Have a blessed day. Isaiah 40:31 ...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.