Waiting game-

The process of waiting. I wonder what the opposite of waiting is.. I'll have to look that one up. Not even sure why, I just want to know what the opposite is. I think I'd like to live there for a bit- in the opposite of waiting land. I feel frustrated now since going to the LAM clinic and not really finding out anything different. I am to get MRI to rule out tumors in my abdomen/pelvis to confirm LAM. Another dr thinks it might be sjogren's. I don't see it though, I do not have many symptoms of that at all. The lung disease and one other. The two main symptoms, dry eyes and mouth I do not have, that I know of. I did think it was fantastic that this othr Dr. out of the blue msgd me after relooking at my CT. He didn't even have to do that. I am not a patient of his. Why can't all Dr's be like that? Amazing customer service. So now I feel I am back to square one. And although nervous about the MRI's results- as I do not want the tumors. I am tired of all this. Seriously tired of it. I want to get on with life. Too many things in life are in limbo land right now and it's eating away at me. ** I found my Dr's visit to the specialist strange. Just to be in a place where so many sick people were walking around- 1. broke my heart. 2. scared me. Bad. I was almost in tears as I walked around the building. I still felt myself screaming inside- I didn't want to be there. I wanted to run and hide, have someone make it all go away. Still wanting that re-do. Then the next thing I felt was shame for whining inside myself to myself and God about my situation. Oh my, the people there, I ached for them. So many people so much worse off than I am. It was very humbling. There was a quiet solemnness in the air. It seemed to me as if people were walking around like robots. There just was no lightheartedness around. I didn't like it. So hopefully, by the next time I write I will know more. At least maybe if I have tumors in my body, then we can go from there to the next step. I am still trying to figure out what the next step is. The neat thing is God knows. And I keep thinking, "You silly girl, (talking to myself) why would you cave in to feelings of sadness, when tomorrow is a different day." I'm glad God loves silly girls too!