Perplexed

Hope you are all doing well. I got a call from the Dr in St. Louis. So far more of the tests that he took while I was there have come back negative. We won't know on some until 3-4 weeks go by. He did say the Dr. in Cinc Ohio thinks it is still Sjogren's. I am struggling with that. I don't see it. I still do not have dry mouth or dry eyes at all, never have. None of the auto immune tests have come up positive, they are all negative so???? Anyway, they want me to come up there and see the rheumatologist at Barnes. Okay, I can do that. He said that they are "perplexed" by my case. Not even sure what one says to that. Not a whole lot to say about that, except that is not necessarily a good thing, but sure is a good way for the Lord to show himself omnipotent. I still have a weird sense of peace about everything. Can't explain it- I do feel like I got a lot of my life back with the no enlarged pulmonary artery/no pulmonary hypertension. That was such great news! On another note, I still feel like I am stuck in limbo. Too many things are up in the air, not enough decided. Some details on things, I still can not go into, give me a month or two, but this medical stuff, some of our school decisions. Just too much stress I guess, maybe that is it. Feeling like I need a break, not sure I can get away to get a break is the problem. Can't explain it- just feel as if I am stuck in mud. Can't seem to get going out of it. Have been reading my bible more and praying more, usually that alone is enough to pull me out of any funk I am in, but can tell this may take more. Pastor has been preaching on fasting and how some things are only broken by it, so here we go. Going to do it. I would encourage you to do it with me. Either a meal, or a day of fasting, or if you are diabetic or health-wise you can not. Fast the TV or internet, sacrifice something and in it's place put fasting and prayer in order to draw close to Him. Let me know if you do and what the results are- would love to hear. *More random thoughts- someone once asked me what hobby do you have, and I had to sadly say, "I do not have one." The look on her face made me feel like I am the only one in the world that does not have a hobby. That can be a bad or good thing, I mean no hobby, means I am either a workaholic (which I am not anymore :) ) or we are just way too busy for me to feel I can take time out for myself. I think I need to make time for myself though. I think I am still so used to doing things by myself that I just do not know what to do with myself when around others. Sound weird? It does to me too- because I love people, love to care for them and interact/encourage them, but just sometimes don't know what to do/say around them, especially people I do not know. A good friend told me that she and I both are used to doing things by ourselves and that isn't a good thing. She volunteered to go with me to Ohio and I said I was pretty good with going by myself. We'll see. My two oldest girls are at camp right now and oh my goodness do I miss them. I did better with it last year than I am right now, not sure why. Just can't wait till they get home. We are all very close and it's strangely sad how quiet it is without them around. My son reminded me I would have him around for quite a few more years to come- which put a smile on my face. I think he is enjoying that thought actually, as he already is realizing he will get more attention than he already does. :) He and I also are very close. Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant what I hope for, Job 6:7-9