Here we go.

Hope you have been doing well! This has certainly been a very busy time for us. It is supposed to be sunny and 55 today. I'll take it! Helps brighten the day for sure! I still have stitches in my mouth from the salivary gland biopsy which came out inconclusive. You ask what that means? Means the Dr in Cinncinnati said I need to get the VATS (Video Assisted Thoracic Surgery) for a lung biopsy to definitively diagnose. I will get that soon enough. Not looking forward to it is an understatement. I feel as if, well inside I am still kicking and screaming to not go and do this. There are many reasons to do this. One is I need to know what this is. Most of the doctors still feel it is LAM. I don't know what I feel like it is. I'd like to say I don't care, but that would be a lie. I would like to know. I would like some "closure" or at least an answer so I know what to expect. I tell you some days I feel like a high school girl with emotions going up and down often within the same day. I am ready for a break from my own mind :) I was telling a co-worker how it is strange that a person can encourage others but then why is it so hard to encourage yourself? I realize from talking to others that many people struggle with this, not just myself. But the question is why? What within ourselves does this? On another subject, I went to a funeral this past week. Wow, what a celebration of this woman's life. I never met her, but I left feeling as if I had so missed out by not knowing her. I was so touched by the legacy she left. How she honored and brought the glory to God, whether intentionally or unintentionally. I can't wait to see how her girls follow in her footsteps. Can you tell my mind is racing. I want to share these thoughts with you. I am not on the computer much anymore, so when I am I want to share with you everything that has been going on. I want you to pray for a dear woman named on here as M. She, bless her heart, encouraged me in the midst of her troubling disease. We have talked and have shared what is going on in our lives. I really did not think she remembered talking or me, but she saw me again and came up and asked how I was doing, so I told her I had to have surgery and wasn't feeling very spiffy about it. She looked at me and told me that I needed to learn how to not be so strong (the gist), that I had to learn to receive. She said she was sending prayers up and then she asked if she could hug me, and of course I said yes! Wow! I can't tell you how her words keep coming to mind. I was sharing that with my daughter and she said in full teenage verbage, "DUH, Mom. You are so independent, you think you have to do everything by yourself. You make it clear to others that you don't need them." OUCH! It broke my heart. I hadn't truly thought of it that way. I was raised to be strong and self-sufficient, even stoic. Not sure that is the attitude of Christ though is it?? A lot to be said for being strong but I guess not when it pushes others away. Out of the mouths of aquaintances' and babes. The funny thing is this is probably the 3rd or 4th confirmation regarding this subject and me. Guess is it a lesson that the Lord is obviously wanting me to learn. Gee, if I had already learned this - would I have to go through this :) Silly me, always trying to get out of something I don't want to do- one way or another. A friend has organized many friends to bless us during this time of surgery and recovering by bringing meals and other "assignments." She won't tell me what "other assignments are. I am just amazed and humbled at my wonderful friends and how they reflect the glory and love of the Lord. ******* So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 49:9-11 Talk to you soon.