No panic

Really rough week or so lately. About 10 days ago, felt a strange big pop in my left lower lung area. Somehow there is no other feeling like that, I knew as soon as it happened what it was. Second time I have felt that. I had a lot of chest pain after that and some shortness of breath. Worse over time. Had a friend listen to my lungs she said they were all clear. I didn't really think I had a pneumo, but wondered/wondering if I didn't have a PE (pulmonary embolism- blood clot in the lung). I did run out of my Xarelto for almost a week, kind of let it go on purpose, my back had been hurting so terribly bad and really wanted to take some Ibuprofen, so just never really filled it and let it go a bit. So I began to psyche myself out that I might have a PE. I suppose I should go get an xray at a minimum, but I am a little afraid 1. what they will find and what that will mean for me, and 2. that an xray won't show diddly and they will want to do another CT, that would be 3 I think in one year's time- (this weekend is the year's anniversary since starting to be diagnosed with all this junk}. Well, then to add fuel to the fire- (warning- any men reading this might want to stop here)- I started this weekend, I hadn't done that in a few months, and it is bad- it always makes it harder to breathe along that time of month, but wow- feels like the "double whammy." ** On another note- I am trying to figure out how, in what way, in whose strength- ( I already know who will give me the strength) I am going to forgive the jerk who molested someone I love. I do not know which is worse- that I see no remorse or that he lives so very close and we have to see him a lot right now. I guess it does not matter. I am not called to worry about those things- but to set them aside and forgive. Just pray for me please- trying to process it. Pray for my kids-- I apparently am more crabby that I realize this week :( ***Fall is in the air.. it is already too cool for me- the blood thinners do not help- I am just a summer girl and really want to move to Florida- but they say never to move to where you like to vacation- because then that glorious place loses its sparkle- and so it is with human nature. **The hormones must really be playing with me-- Do you ever feel like you are losing your effectiveness as a Christian? I think I am there. I do not usually feel this- it is a rather uncomfortable feeling. I do know people are watching- I just think what they are seeing in me is not what I want them to see. Think it is overdue I ask the Lord to take the yuck out of me again. Make me more like him, everyday in everyway. Blessings to you all- As Pastor said- "The best is yet to come." I do believe that. I also heard another one say-- "In God, there is no panic." That is true---- Selah-- means think about that really hard. Blessings-