I didn't go to church tonight.. Just couldn't bring myself to. I had some chest pain today, kind of ticked me off. I had been feeling pretty well until today. My breathing was affected today also, I found myself sitting in the tripod position, which is where you lean forward with your hands on your knees, trying to get your lungs to expand more and get more oxygen. I used my inhaler today, which helps. The troubling part about that, is the studies I have been reading state that those LAM patients in whom bronchodilators work, by opening up the airways and/or decreasing inflammation, tend to decline more rapidly than those that aren't helped. Sometimes too much info is not a healthy thing. I have to keep reading though, I have to take my health in my own hands and figure out what the best path to take is. I have asked the Lord to show me what he wants me to do. I have been emotionally eating and now have gained approx 5 pounds. I never did get on the treadmill. I am finding it hard to do much lately. I feel like I am just existing. I go through the motions of living. I take the kids to where they need to go. I go to the store and clean the house - kind of :) Lately, I haven't had the motivation to even write. Again, I know .this will pass - but when? I always considered myself very stable person, but now I feel like I'm on roller coaster. Not liking it. I thought my pity party was over. Still trying to debate what to do- since the results of the VEGF-D test are under 600, that doesn't mean I don't have LAM, it means I have to possibly have a lung biopsy, of which I am dreading. Inside I am kicking and silently screaming to not get this done. The Dr's tell me I need it to get a good sample with which to confirm the diagnosis. They say the less-invasive bronchoscopy or transbronchial are only 60% of the time able to get a large enough sample. I think I have become paralyzed with this decision. I still have to wait until next month to see the LAM specialist to see what he does or does not want me to do. Regardless of what comes, a friend of me reminded me that God is in control and if he wants me to have this open-lung biopsy than I will have it because I know there must be a reason for it. There must be someone or some people somewhere that will benefit from my going through this. The Lord is faithful even when I am not. He loves me when I feel unlovable. He never leaves me or forsakes me. He adores me, and you too. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28. Talk to you later.