Hypocrisy

While talking to some friends/co-workers, I discovered an interesting hypocrisy within myself. When I was young, I would lie awake at night and wonder if I should sign the back of my driver's license card that had a place to sign if you wanted to be an organ donor. I signed it and was ready, then as I got older, had children, I suddenly could not bear the thought of ever having to make the decision to donate their organs. God-forbid that it ever happen- but that is what I was thinking. I think I wondered what God would think of it- letting someone cut up the body that he gave to either me or my child. I couldn't stand the thought of someone doing that; it just sounded gross. Now I know it sounds weird; but that is where I was at emotionally at the time. Through the years when I would get a new driver's license I just didn't sign the back. I find myself in an awkward position, after talking to so many women, in the middle of their young and prime years, otherwise healthy a lot of them, aching with them for their need of a new set of lungs. See, you can not get put on the lung transplant list until you are very very sick. A double lung transplant means a chance at a whole new life. It means the opportunity to just be able to breathe, for seeing your children and your grandchildren grow and flourish. It means another day to make a difference in someone else's life. The irony of this is probably very obvious, but your viewpoint changes from where you are standing. How can I think that someday I may desperately want to be on that double lung transplant list if this all comes to that point, (still hoping they are wrong and/or I am healed) after all this time being against even myself being on the list to donate to others. Then there is also the irony of the person desperately wanting new lungs, but knowing full well someone else has to die in order for that to happen. That is a strange concept to get your head around. I did read an article where scientists are trying to grow human lungs. Cool idea really. The deep thinker/debater in me, wonders if somehow we aren't trying to play God somehow by doing all this. And so the cycle continues until I wear myself out thinking. Not sure it is a good thing some days to be a deep thinker :) *****I never did call the LAM clinic Dr. to see if they could take me in earlier than my appt next month. If they do want me to have this open-lung/VATS surgery, I'd like to get it before the end of the year. Still hoping he will say I do not need it, or you do not have this LAM, it is something else and we can cure it. I just did not call, not sure why, struggled with massive back pain all week and just think I was to wait and not call this week. We'll see what next week holds. I tend to run way ahead of where the Lord wants me, so I am working on listening and obeying right now. *****One of the girls sent me an email that reminds me in 1 Timothy 6:17 to put my hope in God, (paraphrased). Look it up. I leave you with that quote today. I wish you all the best.