Slow down

I have felt in my spirit I have been rushing things. Trying to make things happen or wish they would. I do not know what I am in a hurry for. (LIke the Alabama song- I'm in a hurry to get things done, oh I rush and rush until life's no fun, I'm in hurry and I don't know why) That is what I feel like lately, like the clock is loudly ticking and I must do something to somehow stop it, slow it down, reverse it. Seriously, let's think this through- what if I do rush my appt, I still do not know what they will say. I do not know what the next step is. The next step will either bring me closer to an answer as to what the next step is or not. Either way the cysts still exist for now. I really think the whole rushing it issue stands somewhere with my struggle on unbelief for God to heal me. I really think that's what it is in a nutshell. I have seen God heal, been part and honored to lay hands and see it done. I have heard with my ears, seen with my eyes, and believed in my heart that God heals. So, what's up with me and this unbelief in me being able to be healed by the Lord, or should I say my unbelief that the Lord will heal me. I think that is where the root problem lies and maybe that's what this whole journey is about. I have a feeling it is about many things. It's similar when I go to a women's conference and maybe I don't feel as joyful about going as I should. I always think I am going for the girls to get closer to God and get a word from him for them, but every single time I come away blessed as well, and I am always amazed at that! So you see it's so similar. I do not want to go down this path, and I realize that God allows these things so he gets the glory, so even though I do not want to go and am still kicking and screaming inside :), I will go and he is blessing and will bless me, as well as those people he wants to reach by having me go through this. I love the parallels the Lord gives us, everything ties together and everything points to him, yet we are blessed because he loves us.